If you’re not ready to leave, you’ll never be able to stay…

Confused?

Sounds counterintuitive?

Let’s walk through this confusion together.

I was once in a relationship that started off beautifully. The kind where you wake up with a smile no matter how hard your day is planned to be. Why? Because you know you’ll open your eyes to a message from them. One good morning kiss and heart that sets the tone for the entire day ahead.

The kind of relationship where you can just stare at each other for hours with a smile without uttering a word. The kind where it feels wrong to eat something interesting without clicking a photo for them.

But is any relationship always like that?

Romantic or otherwise, there are always going to be moments that test its foundation. Moments that test your commitment to the relationship in relation to yourself.

As the days went by, there were tiny aches and instances that raised alarm bells in my gut. Like most of you, I am guilty of snoozing through all of them.

Why do we do that?

Because we cherish.

We remember.

We hold on to the future we see with them.

The past which was unforgettably delightful because of them.

So I started diligently hitting the snooze button every. single. time.

Through every call not returned for hours.

Through every blame I should have never taken.

Through every apology that wasn’t mine to give.

Through every lie that betrayed every promise.

Slowly, I realized I felt different.

I didn’t smile when the phone rang. I didn’t look forward to seeing his face. I no longer had the familiar feeling that the world was a great place.

The only things I was left with were a memorable past, an imaginary future, and a lot of present resentment.

Why didn’t I say anything?

Because speaking up felt like it carried the risk of leaving — and I wasn’t ready to leave. I wasn’t ready to walk away from the history or the potential. But the fear of leaving also made it difficult to stay.

It’s like my feet had ankle weights on. The weight of a beautiful past. The weight of future potential. The weight of current hurt. And I was expected to walk forward carrying all three.

All that weight started colouring every interaction, every emotion. Nothing felt right anymore. Eventually, we both needed space and walked away.

The very thing I feared happened anyway.

But what if I had never feared it?

What if I had spoken my mind the first time I felt disappointed?

What if I had never pretended to like the things I hated?

What if I had been completely transparent about my boundaries?

Maybe they would have worked with it.

Maybe the dynamic would have shifted to accommodate my needs.

Maybe it would have become easier for me to stay.

Which brings me back to the beginning — because I wasn’t ready to leave, it became difficult for me to stay.

Now remove the romantic shadow from this idea and use it elsewhere.

With your boss.

In your friendships.

With your parents.

With your siblings.

Anywhere, really.

Because from my own experience, I know this:

Sometimes people surprise you by how much you mean to them. Sometimes people are willing to do far more than you imagine to keep having access to that precious smile of yours.

Only if you give them a chance.